Indonesia: Massages and Monkey temples and 5 days
in Ubud.
Welcome back all, I am writing from the courtyard in our
hotel after three days of being absolutely spoiled in Ubud. When we left the
airport and were instantly enveloped by 10 million mopeds and marginally
observed traffic laws we knew we were back. Ahh southeast asia, with your cheap
delicious food and cheaper beer, your 7dollar hour long massages and frantic
street touts offering phonetically spelled goods like a “taksi(taxi)” at a
“cheap price boss.” Boss huh? And they said I’d never make it to management.
Our first Indonesian destination is Ubud, a town about an hour and a half from
the airport that’s just far enough away to preserve some of its indigenous
charm and style. We picked literally the cheapest accommodation (the happy
mango tree hostel for $16 a night) and we were a little nervous because its
only been open for 3 weeks and has had very few reviews. Adding to the
butterfly’s in our stomach was the fact that there was no street address and
the website said to go halfway up the street and look for the “red and white
turd that you really can’t miss” so that’s gotta be a misprint right? Nope, it was a 3 foot by 3 foot red and white spotted dog turd. So we checked into our room called “the love shack” which is
complete with 3 nudes on the wall and a coat rack made of penis's. Oh south
east asia you whimsical fool, we love you. Dinner that night was at a rooftop
café that gives part of its proceeds to a free health clinic in the area. We
had “mei goreng” which is the main Indonesian noodle dish that is good and
filling but somewhat unremarkable (it could sneak onto your plate as a side
dish from a Chinese takeout and not be noticed). The highlight was when the
restaurant gave us an umbrella to use on the walk home because the sky opened
up. “just bring it back tomorrow maybe,” sure thing south east asia. Day 2 was
a walkabout (I picked that one up in Australia) where we went around to get the
lay of the land, booked our activities (a cooking class and volcano sunrise
hike – deiters love activities) and had our first massage. We picked a place
that looked reputable and went in for a Balinese massage. We were shown into a
room with two tables and handed a lipstick sized plastic packs “for your
underwear to change” After exchanging laughs and looks we put on what amounts
to a hairnet with leg holes cut into it. We’ll spare you a pic (even though it
would make our blog blow up with thousands of hits) but trust us its hilarious.
The massage was outstanding, our two tiny iron fisted masseurs kept it classy
and turned our muscles into jelly. (no need to comment that mine were already
jelly- Maradei) We melted off the table and back to the street where we had
dinner laying down lounge style at the “nomad café” I’m just gonna say it right
now. It’s ridiculous that we in the west eat sitting up, who are we trying to
impress, when you’re lounged out on the ground you’re basically already in nap
position. Is this a meal, or a job interview? Do yourself a favor and saw off
the legs on your kitchen table, throw down a bunch of pillows and eat your way
into a food coma. The next day was our cooking class where $30 each buys you a
trip to the market to see where they get the ingredients and then out into the
country to a family compound where stern but smiling “aunti pusba” teaches you
how to cook 8 different dishes. Its hilarious because you’re all set up at
cooking stations with like six other couples and its 2 tbsp of this and a pinch
of that and next thing you know you’re digging into an 8 course meal that you
kinda made. All kidding aside the meal was great and the welcome we received
into their home was genuine and its sure to be a highlight of our time in
Indonesia. From there we headed to the “monkey temple” with 2 girls from our
cooking class who are stars of “K-town” an internet based reality tv show about
Korean American kids in LA that is in its third season and is produced by
Tyrese. (yup, not much else I can say about that). The monkey temple is a
highlight of ubud and focuses on praying to one of the hindu monkey gods.
Naturally it is jam packed with monkeys who eye you up as you enter the temple
like its your first day in federal prision. I made the mistake of purchasing
bananas and before I turned around a monkey had grabed my leg, then my shirt,
then my bananas and he was off. It was a one of a kind experience and totally
worth the 2$ entrance fee but be sure to keep your hands out of your pockets so
the monkeys don’t think you’re “hiding something.” I tapped out when I bent
down to take a pic of a tiny baby money and a bigger non baby monkey hopped
right up on my back (good thing I have my hair helmet to protect me.) From
there we went home and rested before going out to “naughty nuris” which is not
a shady massage parlour but rather a place with some of the best ribs iv’e ever
tasted and what Antony Bourdain called “the best martini outside of manhatten.”
The food did not disappoint but the bill kinda did and it topped out at $70
which stings when you can get great food and beer for like $6. That being said
it was a surreal spot to have delicious ribs and martini’s and a good capper to
an awesome day. The next day brought brunch at the famous “ibu oka” which serves
suckling pig. It was tremendously priced at $4 per person and featured out of
this world pulled porkish stuff and a whole bunch of other unidentifiable fried
parts that we were assured were pig. We washed it down with a tall cold bin
tang (the local beer) and went out to do some shopping and other lazy day
activities. We booked a boat to our next destination at a reduced price and
celebrated with another massage/pedicure for tish. As I type were back at the
love shack sippin on gin and tonics with limes from the market getting ready to
head out to a sunset dinner in the rice paddies and a hike to a sunrise on an
active volcano. Well played Ubud. One A.M. comes early after a few gin and seanics but we Deiters shook off the rust and headed out past the sleeping "security gaurd" who hours earlier was the "bartender" and is a sunrise away from being "the waiter." As you sit in the dark looking at an empty road you get little confidence that the index card sized piece of paper in your hands with "Natacha and Sean" and Paid stamped on it will summon your ride to the volcano. How do they know where our hotel is? Why has the ticket office been closed and locked up since we paid for the trip? Why are we sitting out here again? These questions get louder as you ease past the 2 am pickup time until headlights peak around the corner and a head pokes out asking "you go to volcano?" Yes, yes we go to volcano, somehow stuff just works here. An hour in the car brings us to a breakfast of 2 types of coffee, 4 types of tea and one banana pancake. The "restaurant where we ate also offered lawak coffee which is made when a small mammalish kinda monkey/cat/bear thing eats ripe coffee cherries, umm processes them... and then the intact beans are collected and refined as non fecal coffee would be. we passed on the "cat-poo chino" (their joke not mine) partly because of the price and partly because we were concerned that this was a hilarious practical joke that the indo's are playing on outsiders. "I bet we can get them to pay five dollars to drink cat poop." From there we drove to the basecamp, ok that's a bit dramatic, it was a parking lot...but it was a pretty big parking lot, and we met our guide. We put on our headlamps and headed off, stumbling over volcanic rocks as we made our way up the volcano. Now you might be surprised to learn this but months of getting day drunk and living in a van does not put you in peak physical condition (I know, I was shocked too). So the 1.5 hours to the top were a grind and made us tap into our inner Deiter-mination to get to the summit. The view from the top was stunning despite the fact that clouds obscured the actual sunrise and we milled around taking pictures before enjoying a breakfast of banana sandwiches and hard boiled eggs (mmmm just like mom used to make). The volcano has erupted several times (as recently as the 1960's) and from the summit you can see several distinct dried lava flow fields from each eruption as well as a volcanic lake below the clouds, it was beautiful. After bumbling our way down the mountain we headed back to the love shack to get packed up for our departure tomorrow morning. Dinner that night was the best we had in Indonesia to date. After getting shut out at a few places because we didn't have a reservation we settled on a place called café dewa, because it was packed and because it reminds us of the coolest blind guy we know (his name is Duwayne, Duwa to his friends, and you might see him driving around Raliegh N.C. in a classic convertible ...seriously) The place was completely unpretentious with picnic benches and a get to know your neighbors kinda vibe. We had cheap beer and a ridiculously good soup called soto ayam (later translated to mean chicken soup) along with a pork dish and chicken curry. The place was an out of the way find much like Ubud itself and was a great way to end our time here. Tomorrow its off to the beaches of the Gili islands so stay tuned for another exciting episode coming your way real soon.
