To begin, here is a video that basically sums up India
After a pretty pleasant ride on our first night train where
we slept soundly in fully reclined compartments that were sealed off with
British colonial era curtains. We shook off the sleep, strapped on our bags and
headed out into the terminal to catch a ride into Gocarna proper. We secured a
rickshaw and had made it almost all the way to the beach when we pulled over at
a police checkpoint where we were told to go inside so they could check our
bags. In our travels we had been warned about this check point and had heard
from a few people that the purpose of this checkpoint was to catch tourist with
illicit drugs and then extort them for huge sums of money. Being that we
weren't carrying illicit drugs we strolled into the station with an air of
confidence and smiles on our faces. We were asked by the young cop inside to
write in our passport information in the standard "giant Indian beurocracy
book" which you find everywhere over here where they dutifully record all
of your information including most importantly your signature. They LOVE stuff
like this over here and even though we're quite sure that they just throw it
out when he book is full, it's all very
official. So I played my part and started entering stuff in the book while
the cop tried out his crappy English and searched my bag. Things were
running smoothly until he got to the bottom of my bag and found a plastic bag
with bottle of booze that we had purchased at the duty free. What's in there?
he asks with a concerned look on his face. "Gin" I said not thinking
anything of it and I went to take it out of the bag. "No, no, no" my
soon to be corrupt cop friend says as he slides over next to the bag and says
"don't take it out, there is a camera in the office, do you see it?"
Indicating with his head to the TV screen in the corner showing me and him on a
C.C.T.V. feed (Ummmmm OK?). So this is when I realized that things were going
sideways and the moment my lovely wife A.K.A hot tamalè tash shows up to see what’s
going on. Corrupt cop brought her up to speed by explaining that "this was
a big problem" and that even though we "came from Goa" (which we
had not) we "weren't in Goa anymore" (valid point, sort of) and that
we would need to pay a "fine" or more ominously "go to the
police station." Things devolved into an increasingly acrimonious debate
between spicy Tish and corrupt cop. The finer points were as follows:
Corrupt cop: you have booze and I want money
Spicy tish: screw you, we'll just leave
C.C: Don't you know how a bribe works?
S.T. Aaaaaarrrrgggggghhhh!
And so on. A strange sidebar to this circus was that he would alternate between
talk about a "fine" or goin downtown and his unofficial job as
tourism officer where he was all Johnny smiles and "where are you
from?" And "Where have you been in India." And this flip
flopping was perhaps the most infuriating part of the shakedown (you can’t have
it both ways pal). So this went round and round for a while and as it did I
stated to wonder how much I actually knew about the liquor laws in the Indian
state of Karnataka, and whether I wanted to bank on this knowledge to keep me
out of Indian Jail. I also ran the math and determined that the $8 bribe, I
mean fine, that we had bargained the guy down to (from over $100) was probably
a pretty good discount and maybe we should cut our losses and be on our way. I
decided it was time for the bribe after Tash wrestled our Sri Lankan Airlines
ticket stub out of the guys hands because she “didn’t want him to see it say Business
Class and then charge us more.” What followed was the least smooth bribe in the
history of bribes. I started by pulling out a $500 Rupee note and flashing it
around while trying to hand it to the guy who promptly freaked out saying “no
money, no money” and franticly gesturing with his head to the camera. So we got
suited up with our bags and went outside where the guy sat in a chair (out of
camera view) and I did this awkward “I’ve got a 22 pound sack on my back”
crouch down crab move and passed back the bill to the cop who promptly turned
back into the tour guide and told us to enjoy our stay and to “come see him if
we had any problems at all!?!” (Hmmm, excuse me I’d like to report a corrupt
cop who is extorting tourists) We got back into the tuk tuk halfway furious and
halfway scared that they were simply going to come down to the beach later on
and extort us again (or worse). Because the whole thing was so blatant and out
in the open it really put a damper on our mood. On top of that I was feeling a
bit ill and a little homesick so our first night at the beach had the Deiters
really bummed out. We had even considered leaving early for our next
destination but decided to sleep on it and slowly over the course of the next
day we worked our way out of our funk. This was due in part to the ridiculous
beauty of the beach which was a tiny strip with guesthouses right on the sand,
cows roaming around everywhere and a gorgeous sunset over some rocks off the
beach every night like clockwork. The other factor working in our favor was
that we’re Deiters and therefore we cannot be defeated by India. We resolved
that day to have a new mantra where we were going to “SAY YES TO INDIA” (you
say it game show style and we even came up with a sweeping arm gesture) meaning
no matter what we were going to stick it out, try and keep a cool head, laugh
instead of cry/scream and try and see the good in things. We worked this plan
out over dinner and no sooner had adopted it when we were presented with our
first chance to put it into action. Our guesthouse owner came to our table and
asked if one of us was a nurse. This momentarily freaked us out in a “how do
you know that” and “are the police reading our blog or something?” kind of way,
but the answer was less benign and way stranger. It seems he was just asking
everyone on the premises because he wanted someone to give a rabies vaccine to
the super cute puppy that lived at the hostel. This is because the puppy being
a puppy had nipped a guest while playing with him and this being India the
obvious solution is not to teach the puppy not to bite but rather give him a
shot so that when he bites people they can be assured that he’s rabies free. I
told him I was a nurse and that if I could see the vaccine and I felt
comfortable with it that I would “SAY YES TO INDIA” and give the pup the shot.
I reasoned that because I have given a couple thousand shots in my career (I’m
told my technique is pretty smooth #manNursing #thatDIDNTevenHurt) and I have
seen my vet give my dog a rabies vax a handful of times, I could probably pull
it off. As long as it had administration instructions (in the muscle or under
the skin etc) and was actually the vax rather than dish soap or poison, I
figured it’s at least protecting this pup from the actual rabies that exists in
India. The next day my man showed me the vial which was in fact a vaccine and
had admin instructions I said let’s make it happin’ cappin’ and he got the pup,
I mean patient. We went to the back and like 7 Indian dudes held him down while
I “pinched and inch” and pushed it in. The holding down was more traumatizing
for the dog who didn’t even react to the shot. He jumped off the table, gave a
big shake and trotted off tail wagging. I am happy to report that after
observing him over the next few days he showed no ill effects and is now
covered for a while from rabies. Perhaps the best part of this whole adventure
was when the manager had me “write some words” in the guestbook so that when future patrons are bitten they can
be assured that everything is A-OK (“what’s that, an American Man-nurse gave this
dog a shot, Well what am I worried about then?). Outside of running my off the
books veterinary practice our time was spent sunning and swimming and watching
cows bully people on the beach. They would follow the fruit merchants around
and wait till you bought your watermelon or whatever and then just barge in and
take it from you. One in particular marched over and ate an entire watermelon
and most of the plastic bag it was in. That may surprise you at home but 99% of
a cows diet is trash (I had no idea either). We weren’t on the beach 30 seconds
before we saw a group of cows chowing down on a cardboard box, another waited
till this girl went in the water and then went over and started eating her
paperback book. It’s the circle of life I guess, and when you’re saying yes to
India It’s hilarious. Also in the craziness with animals category came one Indian
guys solution to a vicious 30 dog street fight on the beach. Apparently one dog
was in heat and the other dogs were battling over her and it got pretty intense
(and kinda scary) with people throwing fist full’s of sand to try and break it
up. This guy knew that was amateur hour and grabbed a boat oar and calmly waded
into the fray where he selected one unlucky customer (it turned out to be the
poor dog in heat) and just blasted it in the back with the oar (It made a
terrible sound). It would be like if a cop a home came upon a disturbance and
just picked one person out and shot em’ in an effort to chill everyone out. I
must admit it got their attention and the dogs scattered including the victim
who in this vets opinion would be very sore but ultimately ok. Ok so despite
how it reads, all of our time was not consumed in animal related hilarity and
we met a bunch of cool people including Jean Jaque, a friendly and theatrical
Frenchman as well as our first group of American friends. We had a total of 3 lazy days on the beach and
even hosted a bonfire one night where we bought a bunch of wood and people came
from all over to hang out and we were treated to a musical performance from an
Israeli girl with a beautiful voice. Perhaps feeling bad about their earlier
hijinks the cows even dropped by to join the party, pushing their way into the
circle and looking at everyone like “sup?” By the end of our time at the beach
we were way over the funk we were in from being extorted and way into having
fun and of course saying “YES TO INDIA.” The next stop on our tour was the
ancient city of Hampi, which is ranked as the number one attraction in India by
the lonely planet (ahead of the Taj Mahal) and was only a horrible 8 hour night
bus ride away. When we boarded this bus we were confronted by an Israeli couple
who had been lied to by their ticket agent (shocker) and were sold two
individual bunks rather than the double that they wanted. The problem for us
was that they were now squatting in our seats and obstinately refusing to get
out. This was extremely frustrating and only resolved when the busman gave us
another double birth but this process took like 40minutes and held up the bus
cause these fools wouldn’t get the bleep out of our seats. I’m still halfway
mad about it now but I’m sure they will get what’s coming to them for being
such jerks in the land that invented karma. At any rate we made it to Hampi and
after crossing a river in boat that was 90% termites holding hands we settled
into our guesthouse which was tucked into the corner of a rice paddy just below
a giant boulder field. The landscape in Hampi is like none I’ve ever seen.
We’re told it like Moab in Utah if anyone’s been, but if not just picture the
moon. It’s just like a dessert-ish landscape with giant boulders tossed around
in different formations by the monkey god Hanuman (or so the story goes). The
town is sliced down the center by a river and there are the best collection of
ruins outside of Angkor Wat scattered around. We spent one very enjoyable day in a rickshaw
seeing the sights before heading to a perch above the river where I got a
straight razor shave and the second haircut of the trip. The guy was amazing
and all kinds of people stopped to gawk at a crazy foreigner (me) getting a
shave and a trim. Lookin good and feelin great we headed back across the river
and made our way up into the boulders to sit and listen to the giant drum
circle that forms nightly at sunset (yeah, stuff like this happens in our lives
now). After listening a bit we got out of there before we started to feel old
and went back to our hostel for the evening. The hostel has 5 dogs including 2
giant Great Dane mixes and a yellow lab. The lab was in heat and the Danes and
the rest of the dogs (all boys) had to be locked up when she was walking
around. The owner did let out one of the smaller males (a mutt of some kind)
who followed the lab around everywhere but didn’t pose a problem because “he
would need a step ladder.” In addition to this k-9 soap opera we played some
very competitive games of Jenga that resulted in a few people losing bets and
having to head to my barber and get their heads shaved the next day. On another
day we took a walk over the boulders looking for the “monkey temple” and got
completely and totally lost in the rocks. We got “Indian directions” (confusing
and non-committal) to the temple and headed out. We went about an hour and 45
minutes in what turned out to be the wrong direction before eventually hitting
a river and having to be rescued by a boat. It was like one second you’re on a
lovely stroll to a temple and then boom they may never find your body. Somebody
was looking down on the old Deiters because as my partner sat and cried under a
rock I contemplated jumping in the river and swimming across to get the boat
until the boatman walked by. It was only later on the other side that we learned
there are whirlpools in the river (because of the boulders) and several
tourists have drowned (yikes). Hampi was beautiful and had a peaceful almost
spiritual vibe to it and it was bittersweet when we had to set off for our next
destination at the beach in Goa. Fortunately for us our next stop included 2
days of unparalleled luxury at THE Double Tree Inn by Hilton. (Tash had points)
Imagine if you can, hot showers with a stall so the whole bathroom doesn’t get
soaked when you shower, laser fast broadband, a double bed that’s not just two
single beds lashed together, a down comforter and all of the classic Indian TV
channels you know and love. To you this must seem like a fairy tale from an
exotic land but we Deiters have lived this dream…. And it was glorious. We even
found some red wine that was tolerable. It was two amazing days but alas, all
dreams must come to an end and after being dragged out by security when we
refused to leave (Tash kept claiming that she was Paris Hilton) we trudged off
in one of the hardest 2 bag shuffle’s of the trip to a hippy-ish beach town
called “Arambol.” After 5 hours of ins and outs on busses and a bag drag up a
long beach onto some cliffs we begrudgingly turned our frowns upside down watching
the sunset from the balcony of our room just off the beach. It was here in Arambol that I finally overshot
the mark on the spiciness of my food. For whatever reason I have been pregnancy
craving spicy food in India and have been on a fruitless search for a
restaurant who would give me “Indian Spicy” rather than “foreigner spicy.”In Arambol I met my match in a chicken
vindaloo that had cartoon steam coming out of my ears, but I had to fight my
way through after pleading with the waiter for the real deal (file that one
under careful what you wish for). Tash was and is much smarter than me and her
food story from Arambol is about a delicious red snapper that she enjoyed one
evening rather than developing the keen understanding that you know what lava
tastes like. Otherwise we just soaked up the last beach time we had in India
and hung out with a kooky kat named Mel who was our neighbor in our hostel. He
is a late 40’s Greek guy who lives in Brazil by way of Australia and who runs
his own “holistic medicine” clinic in Thailand…or you know, exactly the kind of
dude you meet in India. He shared the fish with tash so now we’re “fish
friends” (BFFF’s?) and we went dancing with him and a 60ish Russin lady (also
from our hostel) who spoke no English but managed to teach us a few words in
Russian (flip flop = Vietnamky and Drum = Badabam). All in all Goa was a nice
bit or luxury wrapped into some beach time and was a great way to end our time
in southern India. Up next the Deiter’s head north.
This thing is called a "Masala Dosa" which I assume means "Lightning butt" after what happened to Tash after she ate it
Gocarna beach with a Brahma Bull
Me chatting with a "Dogs on Blogs" fan
Note the technique
Easy Boys
That will be $1000 please
Buffalo and dog, ancient beach foe's
Cows and sunset
A giant fistfight that broke out at one point
Sunset
Same
Proof that the dog was vaccinated complete with shout outs to my Friends at 17N and clinic 3-2
last sunset pic I promise
This is after the cow ate some pages from the book
couldn't resist
I turned around at the bond fire and saw this right in my face
The bonfire
Me partying with the cow
Same
This is after he told a hilarious joke
Totally normal stuff
Tash and one of our American Friends
Climbing the fence to get back into our Hostel
Mmmmmm Trash
In our "cabin" on our night bus
Me and one of the great dane mixes....I'm on the left
More rocks and rice
Workers in a rice field in Hampi
A boulder tossed by the monkey god
Cows getting ready for the prom
Same
Me in front of an aqueduct
The drum circle forming
They even had a diggery-doo
Women washing colorful Sari's in the river (or the reason I wish I had a better camera)
Same
One of the temples
Me and tish at a temple
Ganesh
From the side
Just liked the colors
an old man preforming a prayer ceromony
We found this carved in a temple. We don't condone carving your name everywhere but can't deny that S+N=Love
A wheeled monument
more ruins
Quick aside, Indian people LOVE getting there picture taken with you. We're celebrities here.
Me with our Tuk Tuk driver
Me at the barbershop
Easy buddy, my face is my third best feature
Getting my fade tightened
It came with a free head massage
I think he did a great job cause he has the same "helmet hair" that I do. It looks like a before and after shot
Nice cow
Sunset over the rice field
Our Canadian friends
A lovely Irish girl who was convinced tash needed a Bowler had
The boatman coming to rescue us...yeah that's a boat
STEADDDDDDYYY......
My Canadian friend post head shave, look at the pic above to check out the difference
On of the boy dogs "on Lockdown" cause the lab is in heat. How sad does he look?
